


Panic

by FBGM



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Evan has a panic attack, M/M, Pining Jared Kleinman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 04:39:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19288306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FBGM/pseuds/FBGM
Summary: When Evan has a panic attack Zoe calls the only person she can think of to help, Jared.





	1. Chapter 1

     Evan Hansen had finally gotten up the guts to confess his feelings to Zoe Murphy. And she had, very apologetically, told him that she was, in fact, a lesbian. So, they were friends. And sometimes Zoe’s brother even hung out with them too. He wasn’t as bad as everyone made him out to be. But he still made Evan a little nervous.

     Today though, it was just Zoe and Evan. They were at Evan’s while his mom was at work. Zoe wasn’t sure what started it really. Things had been going great. Evan wasn’t sure what started it either to be totally honest. All he knew was once he started hyperventilating all he could think about was how weird Zoe probably thought he was and how she was probably uncomfortable and these thoughts only made him wheeze harder.

     Zoe was trying not to freak out. She tried to calm Evan but he didn’t seem to hear anything she said. She was starting to panic. She had no idea how to help him. She’d never seen Evan have a panic attack before. Then she remembered. Jared. He’d known Evan forever. He’d know what to do.

     She scrambled for her phone and dialed Jared’s number.

     “Yellow.” He answered, she could hear the TV on in the background.

     “Jared! I need your help. I’m at Evan’s and he’s having a panic attack I think and I don’t know what to do to help him. I’m really worried.”

     “Be there in five. Touch his arm or back but don’t hug him or anything that makes him feel restrained.” And then he hung up.

     Zoe followed Jared’s instructions. She rubbed Evan’s back lightly until she heard the front door open as Jared let himself in.

     “Evan.” He immediately crouched in front of the shaking boy. “Breathe with me okay?” He took loud, slow breaths. Evan gradually began to copy him.

     “Okay.” He panted. “Okay.”

     “Okay?” Jared tilted his chin up slightly. Evan nodded. “Okay.” He stood up, gently took Evan’s hands and led him into the kitchen. He patted the counter and Evan pulled himself up to sit on it. Zoe trailed behind, not sure if she should intervene.

     “Now Evan,” Jared started rummaging around in the fridge. “How many types of trees can you name?” He grabbed a package of sliced cheese, ham, and bread and spread them across the counter. Zoe was about to berate him; how could he start making himself a snack when Evan was _clearly_ still freaking out. But then, Evan started doing it. He just started… listing types of trees.

     “And birch and…” His breaths got shorter again. “I can’t- I can’t think of anymore. I can’t…”

     “Hey.” Jared placed his hands on Evan’s knees and looked up at him. “Did you like the first or second Star Wars better?”

     “Uh, the first had a better plot.” Evan calmed down again. “But the second had better graphics.”

     “Like which graphics specifically?” Jared returned to his sandwich.

     Evan began rambling about Star Wars while Jared finished making his food and then started pouring chocolate syrup into a glass of milk. He didn’t wait for Evan to run out of things to say this time.

     “I read something the other day that said you can cross pollinate pretty much any type of trees. That true?” He asked as he stirred the chocolate milk.

     “Uh yeah.” Evan nodded. Jared held out his hands and Evan absentmindedly took them and let Jared pull him off the counter and lead him to the couch while he went on about trees.

     Zoe watched Jared return to the kitchen, grab his sandwich and drink, and return to the couch to pass them to Evan.

     “You good?”

     Evan blinked, looking surprised. “Yeah? Yes. I’m good.”

     “Good.” Jared smiled and punched his shoulder lightly. He stood up and headed toward the door. Zoe followed.

     “How did you…?”

     “I’ve been doing it since like fifth grade. I’m a pro.” Jared shrugged. “Got to the point where when he started, teachers would just send him outside with me.”

     “That’s… I mean it’s good that he had you. But damn.”

     “Yeah.” Jared snorted.

     “Well anyway thanks for coming.” Zoe stared at her feet. “I didn’t know what to do. I tried the breathing thing and it didn’t work.”

     “Yeah…” Jared rubbed the back of his neck. “It usually works better with someone he’s really comfortable with- not that he’s not comfortable with you! But you know…”

     “Yeah.” Zoe nodded. “But I mean what about all that other stuff?”

     “It’s not too hard. Just get him to stop hyperventilating and then give his mind something to think about and let him ramble. Once he gets going, he’ll calm down usually.”

     “Usually?”

     “Yeah. There’s been a few times that it didn’t work. When he was really bad.” Jared whispered.

     “What do you do then?”

     Jared suddenly flushed pink. “Uh, I just um…”

     Luckily, he was saved from answering by a shout from the living room.

     “I know you guys are talking about me.” Evan yelled.

     “He’s annoyed. Good sign.” Jared snorted. Then he raised his voice. “Not everything is about you Evan!”

     “Can you guys just come back here already?”

     “Oh uh, I was gonna go.” Jared called back.

     “Why?” Evan appeared in the doorway. “Just stay and hang out.”

     “I…” Jared looked to Zoe but she was nodding too. “Sure. I guess.”

     He let them drag him to the couch as they settled in to watch some nature documentary. Evan sat in the middle of them but that didn’t stop Zoe from eyeing Jared behind his back. Jared wasn’t sure he liked the look in her eye or the way her lips twitched upward whenever Evan leaned closer to him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it! I wrote another chapter! (I actually wrote two so there's gonna be one more after this). Shout out to everyone who commented saying they wanted more ily!

     Evan fell asleep halfway through the nature documentary. His head was in Zoe’s lap.

     “I should probably go.” Jared whispered.

     “We’re having a sleepover. Why don’t you just stay?”

     “I have shit to do.”

     “No you don’t.” Zoe snorted.

     Jared sighed but didn’t get up from the couch.

     “So, you never told me what happens when his panic attacks are bad.”

     Jared’s face burned. “Why does it matter?”

     “Because,” Zoe shrugged but Jared could see a smirk tugging at her lips. “What if he has a bad one and you can’t be there?”

     “I will be.” Jared said without thinking. He coughed. “When they get really bad, he just likes to be touched. It grounds him. I mean you still have to help him with his breathing. But he likes to lay… on me. Or have me play with his hair or rub his back. Until he calms down enough to talk.” Jared refused to meet Zoe’s eyes as he talked.

     Zoe hummed. “Funny that he calls you.”

     “Why?” Jared took offense to that.

     “Well, you’re always saying that Evan is just your family friend.”

     “He is.”

     “And yet, he calls you because he knows if he does, you’ll come no matter what.” She was smirking openly now.

     “Yeah well, I’m not a complete douchebag.”

     “I think it’s a little more than that.”

     Jared narrowed his eyes at her. “What are you implying?”

     “You go soft around him.” Zoe whispered. “Not at school or in public. But when it’s just the two of you. You’re always looking out for him and looking _at_ him. It’s cute.” She ran her hands through Evan’s hair.

     “It’s not like that Zoe.” Jared stared at her fingers. He knew what it felt like, he’d done the same thing countless times. In the dark of Evan’s room.

     “Okay.” Zoe shrugged, clearly not believing him.

     “It’s not.” Jared fixed his eyes on the TV. “I’m just helping him out because we’ve known each other for so long. That’s all.”

     “You know I tried talking to him before you got here.” Zoe glanced at him. “He didn’t really hear me. The only thing that registered was when I said you were coming over. That was the only thing that got him to look at me.”

     Jared wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with that information. “So?”

     Zoe shrugged. “Just thought you should know.”

 

     Jared’s joining of the Spanish club was something that shocked everyone when he’d first announced it. Even now, two years later, Zoe started when Jared announced the club were having a fiesta and they should all come.

     “I always forget you’re in that.” Zoe shook her head. She nudged Evan. “What do you think? Wanna go?”

     “I don’t know.” Evan glanced at her. “You know parties aren’t my thing.”

     “It’s a _fiesta_.” Jared corrected. “And come on! I get extra credit the more people I bring!”

     Evan shrugged. “I don’t know.” He repeated.

     “Please Evan?” Jared stuck out his bottom lip. “I’m begging here.”

     Evan laughed. “Alright. I guess. But only for a little while.”

     “Yes! Connor?”

     “No way in hell.” Connor shook his head.

     “Lame.” Jared rolled his eyes. “Okay so it’s at 6. I’ll see you guys there.” He called over his shoulder, shooting them finger guns on his way out of the room.

 

     There were a lot of people at the party. Apparently, the Spanish club was very popular. That or the free tacos were a great incentive. Whatever it was, the classroom was packed and Evan was feeling his chest constrict.

     “Zoe.” He mumbled, tugging on her arm.

     “What?” She asked, not looking up from the taco bar.

     “I need to- can we just- I think I need to… outside. Please.”

     Zoe turned when she heard his stuttering. “Yes. Of course.” She set her plate down and guided Evan to the door.

     By the time they reached the hallway Evan was properly hyperventilating. He wrapped his arms around himself and squeezed his eyes shut.

     “Evan.” Zoe rubbed his back softly. “Evan, hey. It’s okay just breathe. Can you do that for me?”

     Evan shook his head rapidly, still gasping for breath.

     “Evan I just need you to take-”

     “Jared.” He choked out. “Get Jared. Please.” He dug his nails into his arm.

     “Okay. Okay. I’m going right now just, stay here.”

     Zoe tore back into the room. She spotted Jared and made a beeline for him, pushing people out of the way as she went.

     “Jared, Evan needs you.” She interrupted someone talking to him.

     “Um, I’m in the middle of something.” Jared motioned to the group of people she’d barged into.

     “Jared.” She said through gritted teeth. “Evan _needs_ you.”

     Jared’s eyes widened. “Oh. Okay. Uh, guys I’ll be back okay?”

     He followed Zoe through the room and back into the hallway. Evan was now seated on the floor, still breathing heavily.

     “Evan?” Jared kneeled down in front of him. “Hey bud.” He touched Evan’s arm softly and Evan grabbed wildly for his hand. Jared let him take it and squeeze painfully.

     “I’m- I don’t-”

     “I know.” Jared said in a voice that could almost be described as… soothing. “It’s okay. I just need you to breathe okay?”

     Evan shook his head. “I can’t.”

     “You can.”

     “I’m going to die.”

     “You’re not going to die. Look at me.” Jared reached out and tilted Evan’s chin up. “Look at me. I’m here. You’re okay. You just need to calm down. You’re not going to die.”

     “My chest.” Evan clutched at his shirt. “My chest hurts.”

     “I know.” Jared placed his hand over Evan’s chest. “Breathe.”

     Zoe watched, stunned, as Jared talked softly to Evan, promising that he’d be okay. Every once in a while, he’d lift a hand and run it through Evan’s hair or press it to his chest or rub circles on his back. Evan, for his part, had stopped crying and was on his way to steadying his breath.

     “See? You’re okay.” Jared was now seated in front of Evan, legs crossed. “You’re fine. You don’t have to stay. I’m sorry I made you come. I didn’t know it would be so crowded.”

     Evan just nodded. He was still squeezing Jared’s hand. Jared was rubbing his thumb softly across the back of Evan’s hand.

     "Are you okay?”

     “I think so.” Evan whispered.

     “Alright.” Jared stood up and held out his hands. “Come on.”

     He hauled Evan to his feet and turned, looking surprised to see Zoe still standing there. He avoided her gaze and turned back to Evan.

     “Do you want me to come over so you can decompress?”

     “You don’t have to.” Evan mumbled.

     “I know I don’t have to.” Jared rolled his eyes. “But I am oh so humbly offering anyway.”

     “It’s okay. You have your party.”

     “I don’t give a shit about those people.” Jared shrugged. “Do you want me to come?”

     “I mean yes but- no it’s just- I just don’t want to force you to-”

     “Okay great so I’m coming over then.” Jared decided.

     “Sick invite.” Zoe scoffed.

     Evan looked at her with wide eyes. “I didn’t mean to- it’s not that I don’t _want_ \- it’s just-”

     Jared took over. “It’s just easier with… less people.”

     “Relax.” Zoe waved them off. “I was kidding. I’m gonna go have some free tacos and explain that Jared will not be returning.”

     “Thanks Zoe.” Evan said quietly.

     She waved as she disappeared back into crowded room.

     “Come on spaz, let’s go.” Jared tugged Evan down the hall.

 

     They ended up at Jared’s house. Evan’s hands were still shaking slightly and while he wasn’t hyperventilating anymore, his breathing was still uneven.

     Jared opened the door to his room and gently shoved Evan toward the bed. He knew the drill for bringing Evan the rest of the way down. He close his curtains and turned off the light. Evan needed quiet and dark, he always said. Too much noise or bright light made it harder for him to relax.

     “This okay?” Jared motioned to the amount of light that was still seeping into the room over the top of his curtains. “I can’t exactly turn off the sun, but it should be setting soon.”

     Evan nodded. “It’s fine.”

     Since the room was sufficiently dark, Jared joined him on the bed lying close enough that their shoulders were touching. Sometimes Evan would tug at Jared’s arms until Jared scooted closer and wrapped his arms around him. Today he didn’t.

     Today, Evan was lying flat on his back staring at the ceiling. “Sorry I made you miss your party.”

     “Evan, you’re not supposed to be talking remember? Because then you’ll start rambling and stress yourself out again.”

     “Right. Sorry.” He pulled at his shirt.

     Jared sighed and pulled Evan’s hands away. “It’s fine Evan. Like I said, I don’t care about them anyway.”

     “But you care about me?” Evan’s fingers twitched.

     “Would I be here if I didn’t?”

     “I don’t know.” Evan said after a minute. “Maybe.”

     “Well, why don’t you take a wild guess. You’ll probably be right.”

     They fell into silence for a while. Jared was still holding Evan’s hands. Every few seconds Evan would shift in some way. He’d adjust his hold on Jared’s hands, cross and uncross his legs, or otherwise fidget.

     Jared rolled onto his side and tugged Evan’s arm to make him do the same so they were facing each other. He could just make out the details of Evan’s face in the soft light.

     “Do you need anything?”

     Evan shook his head. Then he smiled a tiny bit. “We’re talkative today.”

     He was right. Usually this was a silent affair. The quiet helped Evan calm down, Jared’s hands moving up and down on his back gave him something to focus on so he didn’t spiral again. But they usually refrained from talking.

     Jared hummed. He reached out and fixed the rumpled collar of Evan’s shirt. He squinted and scooted closer, brushing the tip of his finger across Evan’s collar bone. Evan shivered. Jared pressed his thumb over the spot.

     “I didn’t know you had a mole there.”

     Evan reached up to where Jared’s hands were, running his finger over his collar bone and eventually brushing Jared’s fingers. He didn’t take his eyes off of Jared who was closer than he needed to be, mentally blaming it on the darkness. “Me neither.”

     “You should probably get that checked out.” Jared teased but it came out far too breathy to be funny. Evan was looking at him, but not his eyes. His gaze kept drifting down to Jared’s mouth. He leaned forward the tiniest inch. Jared tugged ever so slightly on Evan’s collar.

     And then there was a loud buzzing. Both boys jerked back suddenly. Evan sat up. He picked up his phone.

     “It’s uh, Zoe.”

     “Figured.” Jared sat up too, feeling dizzy. “Who else would call you?”

     Evan scowled at him before answering.

     “Hey.”

     “Hey Evan!” Zoe said brightly. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay!”

     “Yeah I’m doing better.” Evan glanced at Jared quickly.

     “That’s good! So listen, this thing is over in a few minutes, you and Jared wanna go get ice cream with me?”

     “Uh,” Evan lowered the phone and turned to Jared. “You wanna get ice cream with Zoe in a few?”

     Jared blinked like he’d been daydreaming. “No. I have some homework to do.” He shook his head.

     Evan raised his eyebrows but didn’t say anything. “Okay.” He lifted the phone back to his ear. “Jared’s busy but I’ll go.”

     “Okay great! So I’ll come pick you up in ten minutes!”

     “Okay. Oh uh, I’m at Jared’s though.”

     “Oh.” He could hear Zoe laugh slightly. “Okay. See you soon.” She hung up.

     “She’ll be here after the party.”

     “Fiesta.” Jared corrected absently.

     Evan stared at him. He felt like he should say something about… whatever had just happened. But he didn’t. Because he wasn’t sure anything _had_ happened. Perhaps he had just imagined the softness of Jared’s voice, the gentle touch of his fingers, the pulling on his collar.

     “So,” Jared’s voice drew him out of his thoughts. He was sitting very far away in Evan’s opinion. “Can I open the curtains of are you still… fragile?”

     Fragile. That’s what Jared had taken to calling Evan when he was coming down from a panic attack. He said Evan needed a soft touch.

_“Like a baby bird.”_

_“I don’t think baby birds have a problem with light.”_

_“Shut up Evan.” Jared flicked the back of his head before continuing to brush his hand through Evan’s hair. “You’re a baby bird you don’t know.”_

_“I feel like you’re insulting me but that also sounds like a term of endearment.”_

_“Maybe it’s both.”_

     “You can open it.” Evan swung his legs off the bed. “Oh shit. I still have my shoes on.” Evan stared at his feet as Jared stood to open the curtain. “I’m sorry. I just had them on your bed that’s so rude and-”

     “Evan.” Jared placed his hands on Evan’s shoulders, bending down to look him in the eyes. “It’s fine. They’re just shoes.”

     “Yeah but-”

     “It’s. Fine.”

     Evan let out a breath. “Okay.”

     “Anyway,” Jared said, clearing his throat and stepping back from Evan. “I’d say we could watch a movie but we don’t have time.”

     “Why don’t you come with us?”

     “I told you, I have that calc homework to do.”

     “You never do homework.”

     “Do too.” Jared crossed his arms. “Anyway I’m not in the mood for ice cream.”

     “Alright.” Evan shrugged. He looked at Jared again. “Maybe… if you’re done later, I could come over after. And then we could watch a movie.”

     “It’s gonna be like 10.”

     “Oh. Yeah. No you’re right. Never mind then.”

     “I didn’t say no.”

     Evan opened his mouth to respond when his phone vibrated. Zoe was outside.

     “She’s here.”

     “Cool.” Jared motioned toward the door. “You know the way out by now I assume.”

     “Yeah.” Evan paused in the doorway. “So um,”

     “See you tonight yeah?” Jared finally looked at him.

     “Yeah.” Evan smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

     “You look much better.” Zoe commented as she pulled into the parking lot.

     “I feel much better.”

     They made their way inside, got their ice cream and squished into a little table in the back of the shop.

     “So I gotta ask, why Jared?” Zoe asked, shoving a chocolate covered strawberry into her mouth.

     “What do you mean?”

     “I mean, he’s kind of… a dick. Why would you trust him when you’re like that?”

     “He is a dick.” Evan nodded. “But… I don’t know. He’s never not come. When I have a panic attack I mean. Even when he’d swear we weren’t friends, even if he was mad at me, if I called him, he’d always come over. I mean, sometimes he couldn’t physically be there for whatever reason but then he’d just call me and talk to me.”

     “Wow,” Zoe nodded. “Sounds like he really cares about you.”

     “I don’t know if I’d go that far.”

     “Evan come on, people don’t do stuff like that unless it’s for someone that’s really important to them.”

     Evan shrugged. “I guess.” He frowned into his bowl, stabbing at his ice cream with his spoon. “I think we almost kissed today.”

     Zoe choked. “You _what_?”

     “I think we almost kissed. Me and Jared.” Evan felt his face burn. “I’m not sure… I just… I think that’s what happened?”

     Zoe was quiet. Evan lifted his head to look at her. She was gaping. She waved her hands at him.

     “Elaborate please!”

     “I don’t know! I’m probably wrong! We were just laying there and he was really close to me, and he was um, he just, I don’t know!”

     “Why didn’t you?” Zoe was leaning forward. “I mean like what stopped you from doing it?”

     “Um, you called.” Evan smashed his spoon into his ice cream. “And then we both just sat up and didn’t talk about it.”

     “Oh my god!” Zoe reached across the table and smacked his arm lightly. “Why didn’t you just ignore my call you idiot!”

     “Because! I don’t know! The noise already ruined it.”

     “Wait so, do you _want_ to kiss Jared?”

     “I don’t know.” Evan dropped his eyes.

     “Liar.”

     “I don’t know!”

     Zoe raised one eyebrow, unimpressed.

     “Okay yes I do. But only when he’s being all soft like that.”

     “So only when he’s around you.” Zoe rolled her eyes.

     “You know he’s not always like that.” Evan kicked her under the table.

     “Alright so then tell him.”

     “Tell him what?”

     “Tell him that you want to kiss him but only if he stops being an asshole when other people are around.”

     “Haha.” Evan glared.

     “I’m serious.”

     “You’re insane is what you are.”

     “Look, based on the way you _wouldn’t_ tell me the details, I’m guessing he was about to kiss you too. So just talk to him. Or hell, just kiss him I don’t care.”

     “No way.”

     “When’s the next time you’re going to see him, just the two of you?”

     Evan blushed. “Um, after this.”

     “What?”

     “We were gonna hang out after you and I got ice cream.”

     Zoe grinned. “Well then I don’t know about you but I’m just about done.”

     Evan glared until she sat back down. “You’re not funny.”

     “Incorrect. But I’m not trying to be funny. I’m serious. I know he cares about you. You make him go soft. Just, do something about it.”

     “Can we just… talk about something else?” Evan took a large bite of ice cream.

     Zoe sighed. “Fine.”

 

     “Hey.” Evan closed the front door softly behind him. “Zoe says hi.”

     “Hi Zoe.” Jared waved at the closed door. “So, movies?”

     Evan nodded, following Jared up the stairs and getting settled on his bed. “What are we watching?”

     “Dunno.” Jared tossed him the remote. “You pick?”

     “You never let me pick.” Evan frowned.

     “Yeah well,” Jared shrugged. “You had a rough day so.” His voice was softer than usual.

     Evan didn’t realize he was staring until Jared turned and waved his hand in front of Evan’s face.

     “Earth to Evan! Pick a movie.”

     Evan blinked. “Sorry. Uh, this one.” He selected a random movie.

     “Looks awful.” Jared said, settling himself next to Evan on the bed.

     “Hey, turn the light off.” Evan nudged him. “For immersion you know?”

     Jared groaned loudly but climbed off the bed to turn the lights off anyway. When he sat back down, Evan wasn’t positive, but he was pretty sure they were closer than before.

     For a while they watched in silence. Evan wasn’t really paying attention to the movie. Jared was right it did look awful. But Evan was much too busy staring at Jared’s hand, which was resting on his leg. Evan imagined having the confidence to reach out and grab it. Imagined intertwining their fingers. Imagined Jared smiling but not saying anything. Imagined Jared leaning into him.

     Then he was elbowed sharply in the ribs as Jared cracked up at something that happened on screen. Evan shook his head. It was stupid to think about. Jared only did those things when Evan needed them. He sank back into the pillows.

     “So how was ice cream?” Jared said suddenly.

     “It was… good. She mostly just wanted to see if I was okay.”

     “And are you?” Jared asked.

     “Um, I mean yeah.” Evan shrugged. “I’m fine now.”

     “Okay.” Jared didn’t take his eyes off the screen. “Because I mean, we’re already laying in my bed so, if you needed me to… you know whatever, it’s not a big deal.”

     Evan blinked. Was Jared… offering to… to what?

     “Um,” Evan said before realizing it had probably been too long for him to respond to the offer. “I mean, usually we hang out for longer after. And this time it was kinda… interrupted. So…”

     “So…?” Jared’s eyes flickered to him for a brief second.

     “So.” Evan repeated. “Maybe it would be helpful if you uh…”

     Jared didn’t wait for Evan to stammer his way through explaining what he wanted. He reached over and laced his fingers through Evan’s.

     “Better?”

     Evan’s heart caught in his throat. “Mhm.” He squeaked.

     And then they were quiet again. Evan hadn’t exactly been invested before, but now he didn’t hear a single sound coming from the TV. All he could focus on was Jared’s thumb, brushing across the back of his hand.

     “Jared.”

     Jared looked at him. Evan look uncertain. Like he wanted to back away. Then, he leaned forward and kissed Jared.

     “What the hell?” Jared breathed when he pulled away.

     “Oh.” Evan’s face fell. He blinked. “ _Oh_.” His face twisted in horror and he wrenched his hand away. “Oh my god I’m so sorry.” He stood up. “I just thought- I’m sorry. Fuck I should just…” He started backing toward the door.

     Memories flashed through Jared’s brain, fights with Evan over stupid miscommunications. Evan being hurt because Jared said something stupid. A million times Evan had been crushed because he misunderstood Jared.

     “No!” He grabbed Evan’s wrist and then just sort of held it. “I didn’t mean what the hell like… what the hell. I meant like,” He waved his free hand. “What the hell, you know?”

     “That literally explained nothing.” Evan said, staring at where Jared was holding his arm.

     “I know I just…” Jared sighed. He pulled Evan back over to the bed and patted the spot next to him. Evan hesitated. “Sit.”

     He sat.

     “I meant it in a good way.”

     “I don’t think you can say what the hell in a good way.” Evan muttered.

     “Okay fine it was a poor choice of words. You surprised me okay?” Jared tapped Evan’s wrist where he was still holding it. “It was a good surprise though.”

     Evan blushed and bit his lip to keep from smiling.

     “I guess I meant to say wow. And… where the hell did that come from?”

     “Um, I don’t know.” Evan shrugged. “Earlier today I sort of thought you were going to… but I didn’t know. But I just… wanted to.”

     “I was.” Jared said quietly. He laughed at the way Evan’s eyebrows shot up. “I was going to kiss you. But then Zoe called and I remembered this was real life and I can’t just _do_ that.”

     “I wouldn’t have minded.” Evan mumbled.

     “Well I know that _now_.” Jared snorted. He bumped Evan’s shoulder slightly. “So what are the conditions?”

     “Huh?”

     “What do I have to do to get you to do that again?”

     “Oh.” Evan flushed. “Uh, you just have to ask.”

     “Well then-”

     “Actually,” Evan cut in, remembering his conversation with Zoe. “There are conditions.”

     “Oh.” Jared slumped. “Alright let’s hear ‘em.”

     “I really like you when you’re um… when you’re like this. So you have to be like this all the time. You know like… even when other people are around.”

     Jared frowned. “’Like this’ meaning…?”

     “Like, nice.” Evan waved his hands. “Not an asshole. Soft.”

     “Ah. Well that shouldn’t be a problem now that I don’t have to viciously repress my feelings for you anymore.”

     “What?” Evan blinked.

     “Yeah. That’s sorta… _why_ I was an asshole. I was overcompensating so no one would know I liked you.”

     “But… you didn’t do it when _I_ was around?”

     “Right.” Jared smirked. “Because you’re dense as hell. I knew you wouldn’t figure it out.”

     Evan hit his arm. “Screw you.”

     “Be my guest.”

     “This was a mistake.”

     Jared laughed. Then, he laced his fingers through Evan’s. “It wasn’t. I’ll be more like this if you want. I promise it wasn’t a mistake.”

     “I was kidding.”

     “I know.” Jared said quietly.

     Evan turned to look at him. “Jared.”

     Jared lifted his head. “Yes?”

     “It was a good choice. It was terrifying and nerve wracking. But I’m glad I did it.”

      “I’m glad you did it too.” Jared smiled. “I’d be gladder if you did it again.”

     “Gladder isn’t a word.”

     “Oh I think it is.”

     “Are you going to keep talking or let me kiss you?” Evan said with more confidence than he felt. He knew the color of his face was definitely giving away his anxiety but Jared only smiled and mimed zipping his lips.

     Evan leaned forward and once again pressed his lips to Jared’s. Jared, being far less shocked this time, cupped Evan’s face and pulled him closer.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Follow me on tumblr @ michaelmellonn


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